A concerned parent is facing a difficult decision after learning that her 18-year-old son is being bullied on his college sports team, raising questions about when and how parents should step in once their children leave home.
In a recent anonymous post shared in the Facebook group “Parents of Class of 2025 – Parenting Beyond The Nest,” the mother explained that her son has been subjected to repeated mistreatment by teammates.
According to her account, the situation has escalated beyond typical locker room tension.
She described threats of physical harm, exclusion from team activities, and public humiliation, with teammates allegedly telling him to leave if he shows up.
The student-athlete did report the situation to his coach after reaching a breaking point. However, the parent is unsure whether any meaningful action has been taken.
Living far away from her son, she says she is deeply concerned about his mental well-being and safety.
Although she has already drafted an email to the coach, she remains hesitant to send it without knowing if stepping in is the right move.
The post drew strong reactions from other parents and former athletes, many of whom urged careful but decisive action.
Sharon Hoag advised keeping detailed records of each incident and suggested that the student send a follow-up email to the coach to create a formal paper trail. She wrote,
I would record it all, transfer and demand the school reimburse you for the year- or I’d sue them.
Sharon Hoag
And he should write to the coach an email so it’s documented as per our conversation on this date, the following athletes are still bullying and threatening me and give evidence.
It can get a lot worse- and either the school should remove them or you guys should go after the school. I don’t sue but in this case if my kid is being threatened, and I think he might likely get PTSD so monitor for symptoms but if he feels unsafe, like he’s going to be harmed and lives this day and night chronically this can absolutely become very bad for him.
Jacqueline Roberts agreed with that approach, backing the need for thorough documentation, while Claudia Harrod argued that schools and coaches have a responsibility to protect athletes if they are aware of ongoing issues.
Others highlighted the need to follow proper channels within the college’s athletic department. Brooke Baugh, a former college coach, said the behavior described is unacceptable and recommended reporting the issue with clear facts, including dates, times, and details.
Former D1 & D2 coach here. This is unacceptable. There is a ton of jealousy and competition in team sports. Report this behavior to the Coach with facts. Dates, times, places this has occurred. Include what and how these threats were delivered. Is it one person or multiple? If the coach does nothing, go to the Director of Compliance for men’s sports. They are advocates for the athletes. If they do nothing, go to the Athletic Director.
Brooke Baugh
One commenter, posting anonymously, pointed out that at 18, the student is legally an adult and should be involved in any outreach.
They advised against sending messages without his knowledge, suggesting parents should guide rather than take over.
Cynthia Stein-Rader warned that ongoing threats and exclusion could have serious emotional consequences and encouraged seeking counseling support if needed.
Don’t let the bullies win. Make the call and be very clear if the threat is credible not only will you contact the college Dean but law enforcement. This “mean kids” generation is no joke and doing nothing should not be an option. If you are worried for his safety have him report to the appropriate services yo include counseling if this is causing depression. Hopefully there is a no bullying policy.
Cynthia Stein-Rader
Kourtney Joslyn, a former college athlete, encouraged the parent to get involved, saying that even independent young adults sometimes need strong advocacy in difficult situations.
Denise Leanne noted that team dynamics can sometimes be driven by jealousy or competition, adding that if a coach fails to address toxic behavior, it may reflect a deeper cultural issue.
Oooooo….been there in HS and did not go our way. I can see this happening at college level- problem is- if the coach is not correcting behavior- he is part of the problem. Every athlete should have an athletic advisor- try reaching out there first.
Denise Leanne
Are you close enough to watch practices and games- that’s the moment to catch it and then address it with the AD as well. All coaches will want to be told first but it all depends on the type of coach he is.
Ginger Laz cautioned against reacting emotionally or escalating too quickly, emphasizing that staying calm and professional would likely lead to better outcomes.
Anonymous participant 589 recommended exploring a transfer if the environment does not improve, stressing that the student’s mental health should come first.
Please don’t let anyone convince you not to advocate for your child! Of course keep him in the loop, but never let him settle for mistreatment. Yes he is 18 but this experience is very new obviously & he is facing problems nobody should face. My daughter went through something similar, but her school has 0 tolerance for that type of behavior so the issue was resolved very swiftly! I definitely coached her as she advocated for herself, but had that not worked out next step would have been my advocacy.
Anonymous Participant 589
