A heartfelt Facebook post from a father named Adam Hartlaub in the Autism Parents Support Group has struck a chord with parents across social media, after he shared his struggles with his 6-year-old son, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
The post, which quickly drew dozens of responses, reflects the daily challenges faced by parents of autistic children, particularly when it comes to behavioral issues in school, and the search for supportive, practical solutions.
Hartlaub started his post candidly, saying,
“I’m feeling stumped with my ASD 6-year-old son.”
Adam Hartlaub
He explained that his child, a kindergartner, had called his teacher a derogatory name during story time, causing the entire class to gasp while his son laughed, seemingly unaware of the seriousness of his words.
Hoping to address the issue calmly, Hartlaub and his wife avoided punishment by yelling or physical discipline, which he said “never really worked on him.”
Instead, they took away the iPad and YouTube for the evening and talked with their son about good behavior and choices at school, conversations he thought had resonated with him.
However, the next morning brought another call from the teacher: the boy had been kicking and screaming at classmates during an activity, leading his wife to pick him up early from school.
Hartlaub recounted a conversation with another father who mentioned that his own child’s behavior improved after joining martial arts.
The idea of enrolling his son in jiu-jitsu or karate intrigued him, though he worried it could “either be really good for him or make things worse.”
He also started to question the role of screen time, admitting,
“I used to think that didn’t apply to autism kids because they need it to regulate, but now I’m thinking the opposite.”
Adam Hartlaub
The comments section of Hartlaub’s post filled quickly with advice, empathy, and a mix of success stories and warnings from other parents of neurodivergent children.
Dawn Povey emphasized understanding the reasons behind behavior rather than just correcting it. She wrote,
“All behaviors are a form of communication,” “What does he say when asked? There has to be an unmet need.”
Dawn Povey
She also defended screen use as a self-regulation tool for her ASD twins, explaining that deleting it would cause distress.
Others, like Miranda Fleniken, supported the martial arts idea but urged caution about contracts, recommending short-term or trial memberships to see if the activity suits the child.
A professional educator, Jaime Vincent, offered a more nuanced view. She explained that autistic children often struggle to recall behavioral lessons later when they are dysregulated.
Instead, she recommended natural consequences in the moment and urged Hartlaub to work with teachers on response strategies, such as offering breaks or validation during meltdowns. She said,
A lot of autistic kids in that age group don’t really have the ability to have a conversation about behaviour and then recall it in the future when they’re disregulated. I’m an EA and I can tell my neurotypical students stuff like “mom won’t like that behaviour, you won’t get your iPad when you get home.” And it will usually help them get back on track. Most of the time if i were to say that to a student on the spectrum it wouldn’t affect them at all. But if i say something like “i cant let you join gym if you don’t have safe hands.” An immediate and natural consequence, they are more likely to stop.
Jaime Vincent
Tatjana Fisher recalled how her son once used the same insult but stopped after she playfully redirected it, asking if he “wanted to go to the beach” whenever he said the word.
Anonymous participant 405 suggested that “circle time” could be overwhelming due to sensory overload, noting that giving her son a dedicated seat and using role play helped immensely.
Jenny Carlen praised her son’s martial arts school for promoting “leadership, responsibility, and anti-bullying,” though she admitted it only worked after her son started medication.
Similarly, Anonymous participant 485 said that martial arts and Muay Thai had been “amazing” for her 7-year-old daughter, noting that the instructors’ understanding of autism made a significant difference.
Anonymous participant 659 described how her child started using learned moves outside of class, leading to injuries: “For mine, absolutely not.”
Dixie Beaudoin echoed that sentiment, arguing that martial arts “demands self-discipline which many autistic children struggle to maintain,” and that it might be better to wait until the child is older or find an instructor specifically trained to work with neurodivergent students.
Tahnia Clarke said her son “hated physical sports” but thrived in band. Jessi Begosh-Mayne recommended The Little Gym for its combination of structure and gentle redirection. She added,
I have my asd kid in the little gym. She really loves it. It’s structured listening paired with physical activity. It’s perfect for her unpredictability and they way they redirect is with kindness and fun over authoritative like school or martial arts may be. It would be a good stepping stone to another type of sport.
Jessi Begosh-Mayne
Many people also agreed with Hartlaub’s instinct to reduce screen time but urged replacing it with engaging activities.
Stephanie Cannon noted,
“You do need to replace that with an engaging activity… something you’re willing to participate in.”
Stephanie Cannon
Meredith Hills described how her nephew’s screen time was gradually reduced through small steps, such as removing it during meals or bedtime, combined with interactive alternatives.
As one parent, Brad Bengel, put it simply:
If your son needs it, then why not? I think a lot of those places do an introductory class so that the kids can see if it is something that they want to do. Couldn’t hurt to try. Would also give him something to look forward to each week.
Brad Bengel
