Rebecca Alfaro-Avenoso experienced the ugly side of youth sports firsthand during an OCBA Flight championship game this past weekend.
Her 8-year-old son, Cam, has been playing travel basketball with the organization, which she describes as a wonderful environment supported by a talented coach.
But the championship match brought an unexpected and shocking moment.
During the third and final game of the weekend tournament, Cam’s team maintained a strong lead over the opposing team from the outset.
The boys played with intensity and sportsmanship, but the opposing coach disrupted the game in a disturbing way.
According to Alfaro-Avenoso, the coach yelled across the court at his own player, instructing him to “kick his ass” while pointing at one of Cam’s teammates.
“Yes, he told a presumably 9-year-old to kick an 8-year-old’s ass,” Alfaro-Avenoso recounted.
The directive came from a grown adult in a position of authority—the coach—not a parent on the sidelines.
As expected, the parent of the targeted player immediately intervened to defend his child.
Shockingly, that parent was ejected from the game, while the coach, who later admitted to the remark in an apology, was allowed to remain.
Even the facility manager acknowledged the severity of the situation, but stated it was under the referees’ jurisdiction.
Because they claimed they did not hear the remark, the coach continued coaching.
Alfaro-Avenoso, who has extensive experience working with children and coaching youth sports, expressed disbelief.
“I have never heard a coach speak that way to children and remain in the game,” she said.
She praised referees for their challenging role but noted that, in this instance, the system failed the kids on the court.
She criticized the coach for allowing personal issues to influence his behavior, emphasizing the damage such actions can cause to young athletes.
The incident sparked widespread conversation online, with parents and coaches sharing their concerns.
Many highlighted the broader issue of adults letting ego and personal frustrations interfere with children’s sports experiences.
One commenter, Anthony Riolo, a basketball official, wrote,
“If I hear that any coach speaks to a player like that, he is out. No apology would save him.”
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Others emphasized the need for accountability and reflection, with some questioning the appropriateness of competitive travel sports for children so young.
Despite the unsettling encounter, Alfaro-Avenoso praised her team’s coach and the resilience of the players. “For the love of unicorns and rainbows, please don’t sign up to coach if your wounds outweigh your passion. You’re doing more damage to these kids than you know,” she said.
The OCBA championship game serves as a reminder that youth sports should focus on growth, teamwork, and sportsmanship—and that adults, especially coaches, carry a responsibility to model the right behavior both on and off the court.
