A decision by El Paso wrestling coach and boxer Dominic Barry to bench his own daughter during a recent tournament sparked widespread discussion online, drawing both praise and criticism from parents, coaches, and athletes across the community.
Barry shared the decision publicly in a Facebook post, explaining that he and his wife made the difficult choice to bench their daughter, Nalah, due to what he described as repeated issues with her attitude and behavior on the mat.
As per Barry, the decision was not made lightly and followed multiple warnings at previous tournaments. Barry wrote,
“I had to bench Nalah for her attitude on the mat,” “This was a tough decision that my wife and I had to make but ultimately it had to be done. We warned her multiple times from past tournaments that this behavior would not be tolerated on the mat. Our job is to build more than just an athlete.”
Dominic Barry
Barry later shared a YouTube video elaborating on what he described as the “real reason” behind the decision, emphasizing discipline, accountability, and character development over wins and losses.
The post gained traction, generating dozens of comments that revealed a sharp divide in how parents and coaches view discipline, emotions, and coaching dynamics, especially when a parent is also the coach.
Several commenters supported Barry’s approach, praising him for prioritizing life lessons over competition.
Karen West applauded the decision, calling it “a teaching moment from the parent, not the coach,” and shared her own experience of benching her son due to academic performance, which she said ultimately contributed to his long-term success.
Mark Frank wrote,
The whole point is to build a great human. Great job of not losing sight of that goal.
Mark Frank
However, many commenters raised concerns about the emotional impact of the decision, particularly given Nalah’s age.
Several questioned whether benching her for the entire tournament was too harsh and whether her emotional response, crying during matches, was being misinterpreted.
“But crying is part of the process,” commented Carwyn Holland, a sentiment echoed by others who noted that children often lack the emotional vocabulary to process frustration during competition.
Sharde Probably questioned whether the situation reflected more on the coaching dynamic than the child’s behavior. She wrote,
I feel like it’s you quitting more than she is. She’s allowed to lose. Sometimes there will be someone that’s better than her. She’s also a child and they cry to express emotions because they don’t have the vocabulary to express themselves fully at these ages. Maybe she’s crying because she’s frustrated that she can’t understand how to incorporate what you’re telling her to do. Just a thought.
Sharde Probably
Several commenters suggested that the dual role of parent and coach may be contributing to the tension.
“Hard to separate Daddy & Coach,” wrote Cita Estoril, while Leonard Washington and Daniel Moore both recommended allowing another coach to take over during competitions to reduce emotional friction.
Daniele Kotzbauer shared a similar experience, explaining that her son responds better to outside coaches than to parental instruction. She noted,
For me, my son doesn’t take coaching or feedback from me very well but he does with his coaches. So I’ve learned to leave that to them and keep my thoughts to myself unless he specifically asks, which he doesn’t. Have you thought that might be the case with her? In watching her, she seemed to get emotional the more you yelled to her. Just an observation
Daniele Kotzbauer
Ke Choosy suggested giving Nalah more autonomy on the mat to help her regain focus and confidence, while also questioning whether she might simply need a break from the sport.
Still, supporters emphasized that combat sports require discipline alongside emotional control.
“Discipline and control are super important,” wrote Ian Title, while Donald Polk noted that adrenaline plays a significant role in combat sports and can heighten emotional responses.
Read More: Autistic Son Benched and Left Out of Team Huddles at Wright Brothers Basketball, Parent Speaks Up
